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Writer's pictureNatalie Miller

Birth and Death

They're not so different after all.




I felt moved to talk about this recently. I know a lot of people do not associate birth and death together, but after being a part of both situations many times, I have found a lot of similarities.



The Back Story

Just about a month ago, my grandpa passed away at 96 years old. He lived a long and fruitful life! Our family knew that any days, weeks, months that we were able to have with him at this point were an extra blessing. He was a healthy and strong man considering his ager, only his mind seemed to be slipping due to Alzheimer's.

So even though we knew time wasn't on our side, it was still somewhat surprising when we got the call that something had changed and that he didn't have much time left. My sister, mom, cousins, aunts and uncles came rushing to his bedside. We had the pleasure of having my sister be one of his main care takers at the nursing home he lived at, making sure he had the best of care and was being made comfortable in his last moments. Our family prayed, cried and laughed together the next three days by his bedside as we waited. We held his hand, played music, rubbed his back, talked to him and gave him words of comfort and encouragement. When he showed signs of transitioning and being more uncomfortable, we told my sister or the staff and made sure he was given medications and/or additional comfort measures to help him. It was an emotional rollercoaster for everyone and we all anxiously awaited and prepared for the time that he would take his final breath. When the time was right, he peacefully slipped into the arms of Jesus and was in pain no more. His life on this earth was celebrated after and we were so thankful that he did not have to suffer any longer.


The Correlation

Now if you haven't seen it yet, let me break it down for you.


First, we typically never know when our final days will be. Sometimes it catches you by surprise, other times you can somewhat tell the signs of when it's coming. Birth is the same! Babies can come unexpectantly and then sometimes you can anticipate an approximate arrival. What's important is to be patient, enjoying every last minute you have that baby inside of you just like you would if someone you love was dying.


Second, is the support piece. During labor and birth, the mom needs a lot of support. Not only does the medical staff do this, but family and/or friends come to be of assistance as well. The support team is there to help comfort the mother through her labor. Just like we did with my grandpa, the mom needs to hear words of encouragement, be given back rubs, listen to music and hold her hand. Sometimes they want to be prayed with, too. It's mentally and physically draining, so support through the process is absolutely necessary.


Third is the word "Transition." With my grandpa, I first heard this word when his minister prayed for him that Jesus would help with his transition from this life to the next. I started tearing up realizing how beautiful the correlation actually was. There comes a point in labor where things get really intense. It's the last bit of labor that is usually the quickest part, but also the hardest. In the birth world, this part of labor is called transition. At this point, most moms are starting to doubt themselves. They say, "I can't do it," "It's too much," or "This baby is never coming." As a doula, I get excited when I hear these phrases because most of the time it indicates that transition has started and labor is almost over. When my grandpa was transitioning, he visibly and audibly got uncomfortable. He would moan and groan and his breathing would get more labored. In birth, women do the same thing! This is when maximum support is needed to get to the finish line.


The final connection is when it is finished. It a glorious sense of relief once that baby has made it earth side, for both the mom and the support team. The pain stops, the parents are filled with joy as they hear their newborn's cry and tears start spilling out from overwhelming mix of emotions running through them. It's a beautiful scene to witness and be a part of. The final moments of a person's life is very similar. Their pain is gone and the family/friends left behind shed many tears. Mixed feelings of sadness and possibly relief go through them and it can be very overwhelming as well. This also can be a beautiful scene to be a part of, watching a family come together and comfort each other.


Final Thoughts

Isn't it neat? How they can go hand in hand? This link made me appreciate the processes even more. Maybe it's by design that God made them so similar. When going through it, And when done with the support of those who love them, it can be a positive and empowering experience. I believe the key to both of these scenarios is knowing Jesus. Having a hope in Jesus is the rock you need to help you through these tough journeys. I have personally seen a huge difference in how a birth and a death experience go when Jesus is or is not a part of it. He is there telling them to lean on Him and trust Him through the process. Being able to know that Jesus is for you and with you no matter the outcome gives such an indescribable peace to everyone involved. Especially knowing what is ahead for your loved one once they leave this world.

Both are the end of one life and the beginning of another, a shift from one world to the next. My hope is that when/if you are faced with either situation, you are reminded of the beauty. We are so incredibly blessed to be a part of it!


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