Yup, I did it. I chose to have an elective cesarean section. Now let me explain why I thought this was the best option for me at the time.
Back Story
If you haven't read my previous post about my first birth, I will give you a quick recap of that story. It was 2004, I was very young (17 years old) and was induced with my first at 39.4 weeks. I was just done and begged my doctor to get this baby out of me. I was planning on adopting out my baby and the reality of what was going to happen really started hitting me. I wanted to get it over with. So, in my juvenile impatience, I got induced. The process overall went very well. My whole labor was about 8 hours and only pushed three times!
What was the problem, you ask? Well, I had an old school doctor who gave everyone an episiotomy. And even though I was pushing VERY well, he gave me a generous cut. Unfortunately, this weakened my perineum and with the next push, my baby came flying out and I ripped all the way through my anal muscles. This is also known as a fourth degree laceration.
Recovery was very tough. I developed a rectal-vaginal fistula (a hole between the rectum and vagina) and then an infection. All my sutures fell out due to the infection and poor tissue condition. If not already feeling stressed enough, I was also dealing navigating my emotions of the adoption. As you can imagine, my first postpartum experience was not ideal.
Thankfully, I didn't need surgery to repair everything at that time, but the doctors I saw did recommend having a full repair once I was done having children.
The Next One
Fast forward to four and a half years later. I recently had gotten married and we decided to start our family right away. I got pregnant about 4 months after our wedding and we were so excited. I was still seeing my same doctor, who was a family practice MD. I truly loved and trusted this doctor as he was the only one I had been seeing since I was a couple weeks old. I decided to stay with him for this pregnancy, but honestly it never crossed my mind to change.
Right away I voiced concerns about another vaginal birth. He tried reassuring me that I most likely wouldn't tear this time, but I was very afraid. I didn't want to chance it and be cut again. I informed him I would rather have a c-section than try another vaginal birth. I could tell he was disappointed in my decision, but he set me up with another doctor who could perform the procedure.
I saw both providers through the last trimester of my pregnancy. Looking back, I am surprised at how little either physician prepared me before hand on what was going to happen. I had little to no explanation of expectations during or after surgery. It was the usual get in and get out type appointments, but I knew no other way. I didn't even know what to ask. I had seen a couple c-sections while I was in nursing school and that was the knowledge base I was running with. I was a brand new nurse at the time working on an ortho/neuro unit. The OB world was foreign to me.
This was also going to be my first surgery ever and my husband's first experience of childbirth. There was definitely a lot of uncertainty and anxiety leading up to my son's birth.
The Big Day!
I couldn't sleep. The night before we recorded how we felt on our video camera. We were excited and oh so anxious.
We showed up to the hospital and checked in for our scheduled surgery. I was taken to a room where a nurse explained to both of us what to expect (finally!) and started my IV. They were confused at first why I was having a c-section and wanted to clarify the reasoning. I explained my first birth experience and without hesitation they agreed this was a better option.
Of course we started hitting some road bumps right at the beginning. My IV wasn't running quick enough for anesthesiologist and he wanted me to have my IV replaced. He decided to place it himself, which turned out to be a train wreck. He first attempted in my hand. It immediately blew and was getting puffy, yet he kept wiggling the needle around to find the vein. It did not feel great and I said, "Maybe we should try another place."
He agreed and resorted to placing one in my AC (the crook of your arm). This was not ideal either since now I wouldn't be able to bend my arm, my dominant arm on top of it. But it finally worked to his liking and I was taken to the operating room.
There we hit another snag. My anesthesiologist had trouble placing the spinal (numbing medication in my spine). He attempted SIX times! After the third attempt, I started blacking out. I was starting to get very nervous.
What if he can't get me numb? Will I have to be put to sleep? I don't think I want to do this anymore!
Finally, he found the right spot and injected the medicine. I wasn't so confident that this guy knew what he was doing at this point. Now let me just say he was a very nice person and he took great pictures of us and the birth of my son. All the pictures posted on here he actually took with our camera! For that, I am very grateful. But his needle skills needed a lot of help.
Anyway, I started panicking and worrying that the medicine wouldn't work and I would feel everything. I started hyperventilating and feeling nauseous. Looking back, I'm sure this was exacerbated by my blood pressure probably dropping, which is common after the administration of a spinal block, but I did not know this since it was not explained prior. He ended up giving me something to help "calm me down" and I got very sleepy. Because of this I barely remember the moment my son was born. I was in and out of it, it's like flashes of memory. I remember the immense pressure on my upper abdomen and chest when they were trying to push his head out and seeing over the blue curtain in front of me my doctor sweating. Then there was that first cry. I saw him for a split second over the curtain and he was whisked away to the warmer. I heard them say he was 7lb 11oz, then my husband say, "Hey, it's our wedding date!" I responded, "That's nice." Then I was out. I later found out that I had hemorrhaged during the surgery due to varicosed blood vessels getting cut that were around my uterus. Yay...
The next thing I knew I was in the recovery room and the nurses were trying to get me to breastfeed. Even though this was my second birth, I had never done this before. I hardly remember this either, but I do remember my son being too sleepy to try. It was a real struggle.
The days and weeks after my c-section were tough. I couldn't sleep in my bed because it hurt too much getting in and out of it, so I camped out on the couch. My mobility was very limited due to pain. Also my breastmilk took over a week to come in causing feeding issues. I was so swollen everywhere from being pumped full of fluids that I felt like my body couldn't do what it needed to. It took a good three to four weeks before I was starting to feel somewhat normal again. Our son also had very bad jaundice and had to wear a bili-blanket at home 24/7, which also meant driving him to the hospital every day for the first few days we were home for blood draws. This combined with breastfeeding issues and needing to supplement really tore me up emotionally. I even had a nurse tell me I was starving my child during a home postpartum visit since he kept losing weight. I felt like a failure. It was a hard transition, but thankfully I was surrounded by an amazing husband, family and friends who helped me get through.
Looking Back
Even though this was a tough experience, I am so thankful I went through it. I'm not sure if I regretted my decision to have a planned c-section then, but I know I don't now. Having gone through this has helped me guide and empathize with other women who are going to or have had one. I also went on to have three more babies vaginally after the c-section (VBAC) and have become a fierce advocate for VBACs. But, knowing what I know now, things probably would've looked very different back then. Regardless, I know there was a purpose and a plan and for that I am super thankful!
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